Sorry for the wait!
Little late with these posts but my mind wasn’t really on writing this month. For the month of May, writing came to a screeching halt. Productivity on my writing slowed. My word count dropped. So did the quality. I even dropped my habit of daily writing. All in all, a really poor month for writing.
Even though this month wasn’t as productive, I’ve learned not to be too disappointed in myself. I’ve been doing this long enough to know that sometimes you have killer months and sometimes it just doesn’t flow like you want it to.
I attribute the lack of productivity mainly to life. You know, I always want to write but I don’t want my writing to stop me from living. I realize that what’s going on around me is quite important to deal with it, and you simply can’t ignore your feelings and mentality to just put your head down and write. There are some writers that can do that, put their head down and write while their house is on fire. But I like to keep a good balance. I know that when everything is balanced my writing is at its best.
So what’s been going on in my life that’s been preventing me from writing? Well frankly, I met someone who I thought was going to be a really good friend but that wasn’t the case. As a result, my emotions this month have been pretty wild. I’ve gone from being euphoric to being utterly disappointed. Sometimes you have high hopes for a person but that doesn’t always pan out how you hope. I usually take these kinds of setbacks rather hard. I’m emotional, after all. My friends are much more even-keeled than me. I always tell my friends that writing and work are stresses that people can handle. I know that if I put X amount of work into it, I can expect some kind of result. But people are unknown quantities. You don’t always get what you put into it. Sometimes, you invest a lot in someone, and you never get any results.
And that’s okay. It’s okay to take a loss. And it’s okay to be disappointed, even hurt. When you’re feeling down it’s really important to do the things that you do well. And to remember why you have value as a person. The main thing is to continue the things that give you deep satisfaction. I know when I accomplish certain things in a day, it really elevates my mood. For me, that’s working out and reading and studying. And writing. Especially writing. Writing really gives me a sense of accomplishment and is great whenever I need a boost for my self-esteem. I know I’m not the prettiest boy. I’m not the richest boy. But give me a pencil and paper and I know I can write fire. The joy I get from putting together sentences is something that I will always cherish.
Going into June, I changed my process to write slower. Instead of going for high word count 500+ words, I’m focusing more on writing quality. I’m down to about 250 words per day. I’m much happier now with my writing than before. I realize writing is a big part of my self-image. When I write trash, I feel like trash. When I write gold, I feel like a million bucks. Of course, this delays my completion date but I’m not worried about it anymore. I’m gonna focus on writing these little bits of writing and continue the daily battle. My new mantra is “write good today, feel good today.”